Commitment anxiety was a problem for one of my clients, Margaret.
She told me in one of our sessions that she would want to be in a meaningful relationship, but she was unwilling to give up her independence in order to do so.
My life is wonderful.
I enjoy my job and my coworkers.
I enjoy exploring new places and attending educational events.
Who am I to say what I can and cannot do?
Because I’d rather be at work than with him, I don’t want to deal with his broken feelings.
Simply said, the hassle is not worth it.
Another of my clients, Martin, was averse to making a long-term commitment.
When I’m single, all I can think about is being single.
I long to be loved, cared for, and able to grow old with someone.
As a result, I begin to feel confined as soon as we enter into a romantic relationship
Because I feel like I’m being restricted, I begin to detest the person who’s limiting me.
Often, she has no idea what is going on and is surprised by the breakup.
She had no reason to worry.
Following her departure, my desire to be in a relationship has returned to its original state.
This has occurred repeatedly.
The fear of making a lifelong commitment to someone stems from the misconception that when we fall in love, we become responsible for their emotions rather than our own.
When we believe that our actions have caused somebody to feel wounded or rejected, we feel obligated to put ourselves on a leash in order to avoid upsetting them.
Instead of defending our own independence and the right to do what makes us happy, we restrict our own choices in an attempt to exert influence over the emotions of others.
This is a recipe for animosity, and it’s inevitable.
Margaret, How would you feel if you choose someone who also liked his work and his personal freedom? I inquired in one of our phone calls.
That’s something I’m having a hard time picturing.
In every relationship I’ve had with a man, he’s always been more interested in spending time with me than I am.
Is it possible that I’m picking the incorrect guy over and over again?
I didn’t, I answered.
However, you have not been steadfast in your independence from the start.
In the beginning, you give a lot because you enjoy being with him, but you also give a lot of yourself, as we’ve mentioned.
One makes love even when one does not wish to do so.
Because you don’t want to hurt him, you stay up later than you’d like.
When you finally begin to disclose the truth, he is astonished and upset.
Until you’re prepared to risk losing him from the start rather than lose yourself, you’ll keep making connections that restrict your personal freedom.
As a result, you wind up thinking that your relationship is limiting you, rather than your own worries and beliefs.
It became clear during our time together that Martin had no idea how to assert his authority in a romantic relationship.
He gave anything a woman wanted as soon as she asked for it.
Just saying no to her was too much for him to bear.
As a result, he found himself feeling confined and constrained.
Martin’s dread of rejecting a lady was rooted in two things:
In his mind, he was solely responsible for her emotions, and anything that caused her pain was his fault.
In case she felt betrayed, he feared she might become enraged and turn her back on him.
Martin was unable to stand up for himself in relationships because of these two phobias.
However, he finally became so enraged by his partner’s anger that he decided to break up with her.
As a result, we must learn to accept responsibility for our own emotions rather than the feelings of the other person, and we must be willing to lose the other person rather than ourselves in order to maintain our personal freedom.
To overcome your fear of committing, you must develop the courage to stay loyal to yourself in the face of the wrath, rejection, or loss of another.
A meaningful relationship necessitates the development of a strong adult self capable of standing up for your rights as an individual and you can use hypnosis to help you get over your fear of commitment.
